Obviously I knew that having twins would make leaving the house into a bigger hassle than when it was just Tyson and me ("Shall we leave the house?" "Yes." The end.) I just didn't know I was going to be planning my entire day around it...
90 minutes out: Do my own hair and makeup.
70 minutes out: Lay out my clothes and jewelry on the bed, so everything is ready to go. (Because that stuff is going to be spit up, drooled, peed, and/or pooped on if I get dressed anytime before The Last Freaking Second before we walk out the door.)
60 minutes out: Pack a diaper bag with: (1) extra set of clothes for each kid, (4-6) disposable diapers, plus diaper cream and wipes, (2) blankets, (2) bottles of thawed milk (plus the ice pack if I haven't pumped recently and it needs to be kept cold), (2) bibs, (3-4) burp cloths, (1) extra set of pacifiers, and, oh yeah, all of my stuff like wallet, keys, lip balm, etc.
40 minutes: out: Feed Baby #1. (This is ideal. Sometimes they decide to eat sooner than this, sometimes later. Like when we were trying to go to church at 9:30 one weekend and they were SUPPOSED to be due to eat around 9:00, so I kept waiting until they wanted to eat so I didn't have to force-feed them but they decided that they didn't really want to eat until more like 9:40. So...yeah. 9:30 church. Not so much.)
30 minutes out: Pass Baby #1 off to Tyson to be burped. Feed Baby #2.
20 minutes out: Change Baby #1's diaper and into their Going Out Outfit.
15 minutes out: Change Baby #2's diaper and into their Going Out Outfit, which has been carefully chosen to coordinate with Baby #1's.
10 minutes out: Tell Tyson to change clothes and get ready and what do you MEAN you haven't even shaved or brushed your own teeth yet?!?
5 minutes out: Change into my clothes. Tyson packs both babies into their car seats.
2 minutes out: Double-check we have everything
1 minute out: Tyson and I put our shoes on. It's go-time!
20 seconds out: Caden and/or Brooklyn fill their diaper spectacularly. And/or spit up all over their outfit and/or carseat.
The Time We Were Supposed To Leave: Repeat (most of) the above steps. In reverse order. This time, also cleaning up a good portion of a(the) baby(ies) and/or their clothes, carseats, etc., etc., etc.
Don't look at me like that. You're lucky to see the light of day.
Same goes for you.
That's better.