Life Lately

The kids are all in school. I repeat, the kids are all in school. This is not a drill! 

I’m taking a break this fall, as much as I can. Having three kids in two years was no joke. I already felt like I needed a break: throw in a global pandemic for most of the past two years and I definitely need a break.

“Call it a sabbatical!” a friend told me. (You know who you are.) “Pastors get sabbaticals after seven or so years, and damn if mothering isn’t just as hard and holy of work.” 

So a sabbatical it is.

What I’ve discovered, almost three full weeks in, is that I’m not very good at sabbatical-ing.

The first week I was restless. I tackled a bunch of things around the house, from decluttering bedrooms to cleaning out the pantry. (But truly, I would not have been able to properly relax with the state the pantry was in.)

The second week I overscheduled myself. I had appointments or meetings every single day, sometimes multiple times a day. (Though part of that was unavoidable. So much of scheduling appointments is “We can either get you in next Wednesday or not until this random Tuesday in February” and so of course you take next Wednesday, no matter what else your week might hold.) I went from feeling like I had a pretty good handle on things to feeling I had nothing under control because I was hardly home.

Which brings me here, to week three. Really, I keep preaching to myself, give it at least a month to settle in. Life has been the opposite of a sabbatical for the past seven-plus years and it’s absurd to think I can turn it around in an instant.

Still, I find it hard to rest when there is still so much to be done. I’m ordering Halloween costumes and meeting writing deadlines and sending emails and trying to organize a pledge drive for church and concocting a meal plan each week and making up Christmas lists to get ahead of any 2021 supply-chain drama and that means I should go through the toys in the playroom before the influx of Christmas gifts and we basically finished our basement except I never did get around to finding sconces, and, and, and.

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. For the past seven years, I’ve done all of the above plus or minus three or so kids around. But when the goal is to rest, it’s hard to sort out, to prioritize, to put it in front of the work. I’m trying. I’ve begun re-watching Downton Abbey in the afternoons before the kids get home from school. I’m reading some. I’ve been knitting a bit. 

I’m also entering this brave new world and trying to figure out what on earth “rest” even means anymore. I hope I get to the point where I really do slow down before figuring out what I want next in life. I hope I get to the point where I watch TV all day (a Ted Lasso re-watch, anyone?) and don’t feel guilty about it, because I’m still worthy and loved right where I’m at, even if I don’t check anything off my to-do list, even if I just sit around on a couch surrounded by snacks all day. That sounds amazing, but right now, it’s much easier for me to say than to actually do.

Stay tuned.
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Action Item

Listen, this isn’t my usual type of “take action” item, but might I suggest to all the parents living in areas where snow is imminent to check your stock of winter gear NOW. Last year I went through all the kids’ winter gear in September and felt like the smuggest of actual GENIUSES when we got a surprise snowstorm in mid-October and I was actually prepared. So: coats, boots, hats, mittens/gloves, snowpants. Multiples of the hats and gloves. Onward!

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Around the Internet

• We Found Rage in a Hopeless Place: “Whatever problems existed before the pandemic, they just seem to have been frozen in time and deepened, along with all the new iterations.”

• “‘How does she do it all?’ society muses while staring at the bedraggled mom-author clutching her book in one hand and her baby in the other. By having no work-life balance or boundaries. Losing sleep. Hiding in pantries. Getting increasingly angry by the lack of support. By nearly drowning.”

• “If the old ‘mommy wars’ pitted working mothers against the ‘stay-at-home’ kind, then the new mommy war should be mothers banding together against an indifferent government and the forces of capitalism that seek to economically marginalize all of us.”

• For any parent who feels like they need to consult local case rates, the vaccination status of everyone and their brother involved in a given activity, their horoscope, and the weather forecast before doing virtually anything.

• “And just like that, all three of my kids are finally in school at the same time. I have three glorious hours to myself—arguably, all I’ve wanted for the past year and a half. I should be a walking meme right now, twirling through the aisles of Target with an iced coffee in hand, perusing the clearance candles and admiring fake plants I do not intend to buy. Instead, I go home. I walk into my empty, quiet house. I take a seat at the kitchen table and burst into tears.”

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Eating

• These sausage and cheddar stuffed onions take a little bit of effort but spend most of their time in the oven and come out tasting like fall. I served them last weekend with cornbread and brussels sprouts.

• As far as I’m concerned, September is for baking with apples. My first foray into fall baking this year was this apple cake which pairs perfectly with an afternoon cup of tea. Or breakfast. Or the last thing you eat before bed. You get it.

• “These aren’t addicting,” she says, as she eats three more from the package before tucking it back in its hiding place in the pantry.

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Fun Things

• Nolan is playing soccer and while he’s never played before, he’s actually pretty good! It’s the first sport I’ve seen him truly embrace and, most importantly, all that running is REAL good for him.

• I haven’t worn it yet * shakes fist at 80+ degree weather * but this cardigan is soft, snuggly, and definitely going to make my fall cozier.

• I ordered these chairs for the kids to use around their art table. Inexpensive, stackable, and they might be white, but they wipe down easily with a Magic Eraser. If you’re already going the IKEA route, I’m also loving this pegboard.

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“I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers” is the only possible way I can end this newsletter on the eve of the month filled with things that truly feel like fall. Here’s to finding our own sort of rest in the Octobers in front of us.

Read, Watched, Listened

I love reading just about everything (okay, you won't see any horror or sci-fi picks on here), watching things that make me think and especially if they make me laugh, and wholeheartedly embrace the podcast. Here's my two cents worth.

READ
(Follow the links below or click through to bookshop.org to find all books referenced in this post and past Read, Watched, Listened posts. And here’s your friendly reminder that these are affiliate links!)

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue
This book got so much hype and I agree with most of the hubbub: I found it inherently unique and readable. My beef is with the ending. *******SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! ******* Did we have to fall into the trope of the guy (aka death) wanting to sleep with Addie?? LIke, seriously? Can we just not? Can he be interested in Addy for another reason instead? Gah. I thought it was such a cop-out of a trope.

God Spare the Girls
Meh. Skip. I loved the idea of this book (pastor’s daughters in evangelical culture deal with a scandal involving their father) but thought it fell entirely flat. Go ahead and predict the entire book right now and I guarantee you’d be correct. Also: the ending was disappointing.

The Anthropocene Reviewed
Love this book so much. John Greene reviewing random things in our world is just funny enough, just interesting enough, just curious enough, that this book falls in my top 5 of the year, easy.

Girls With Bright Futures
This felt like a combo of Where’d You Go Bernadette and the college admissions scandal with a dash of Big Little Lies. I’m not sure I agree with it being called a thriller (seriously, why?) but it was incredibly plausible and riveting—though I could have done with a bit more satire, to make it just that much more over-the-top.

Malibu Rising
One of my top 3 books of the year. Maybe THE top? I was here for all of frothy Malibu society. Listen, Taylor Jenkins Reed’s other books haven’t quite lived up to the hype for me—they’ve been good, just not great—but THIS one was everything. I read it in less than 24 hours; literally could not put it down.

Red at the Bone
This was a miss for me. I wanted to like it more than I did. The writing was confusing to me and I was often unsure where we were in time. Lots of the writing was beautiful but I got lost in the storytelling, and not in a good way.

After Evangelicalism: The Path to a New Christianity
WHOOSH. This is a BOOK. David P. Gushee details the history of Evangelicalism just as much as describing what comes “after” it. I loved his interweaving of storytelling, history, and other faith traditions. I learned so much about evangelicalism reading this book and will definitely be returning to it.

Low Country: A Southern Memoir
I just have to say as a life-long midwesterner: I don’t get the South. (Insert laugh-cry emoji here) It was a lovely memoir, if a little wordy at times, I just think I would have enjoyed it more if I had any experience at all living in the South. I felt like I wasn’t quite able to appreciate it fully.

The Making of Biblical Womanhood: How the Subjugation of Women Became Gospel Truth
This completed the trifecta of books for the year relating to faith, politics, and gender roles (the other two being the aforementioned After Evangelicalism and Jesus and John Wayne, of course). This book didn’t read to me quite as smoothly as the other two, yet I was fascinated in Beth Allison Barr’s particular take on these issues as a medieval historian. Basically, it left me wanting to have Barr and Kristen Kobe Du Mez over for drinks and we would start talking and never stop and it would be amazing.

Madam Speaker: Nancy Pelosi and the Lessons of Power
Susan Page can write a biography. I had no idea Nancy Pelosi’s life and family were so fascinating. Major points to this one for detailing the life of this badass woman.

The Season: A Social History of the Debutante
Anne Helen Peterson told me to read this one, so I did, because it’s usually a good idea to do what AHP tells me to do. I have exactly zero connection or life experiences to relate me to the world of debutantes and this deep-dive into that world—both on this side of the pond and the other—kept me hooked through all the pages. I was equal parts fascinated and horrified.

RE-READS: Searching for Sunday, Crazy Rich Asians, China Rich Girlfriend, Rich People Problems

WATCHED

The Chair
Sandra Oh is my season pass and this miniseries did not disappoint. This quick, few-night binge about the first woman chair of an English department at a major university also scratched my fall itch what with all the tweed and sweaters and New England-y vibes.

Apple TV: Come for Ted Lasso, stay for Schmigadoon! Ted Lasso is exactly the delight everyone says it is (Roy Kent forever, please), and as soon as this season ends I am going to immediately go back and re-watch every single episode. Schmigadoon! is hilarious and the production is AMAZING.

This is Pop
This series was interesting, some episodes more than others. If you choose just a couple, make it the first two; Auto-Tune is particularly interesting.

LuLaRich
The good: it’s fascinating. We binged it. So many (real-life!) characters. Please bring me all the deep-dives on MLMs. The owners of the company actually agreed to be interviewed (!!!). The bad: Company grows too big too fast and is mismanaged by people who have no idea what they’re doing isn’t exactly a new story. I needed at least four more episodes. How were the clothes being made? What was the supply chain? Where did all the unsold merchandise go? I’m left with more questions than answers. Verdict: do not miss this. It’s a good start even if it doesn’t answer everything and we certainly haven’t heard the last about MLMs. Bring on all the documentaries, podcasts, and long reads.

LISTENED
Blind Landing
I didn’t even know about the drama at the 2000 Olympic games gymnastics vault until Tyson mentioned this podcast. The podcast was good, but honestly, you can get everything you need out of this amazing article.

9/12
We all know what happened on 9/11/2001, but what about the next day? The days after? Each episode dives into a different topic surrounding 9/11 and how it shifted our focus in everything from comedy to conspiracy theories.

Life Lately

Yesterday, I sat at the beach while Caden played in the sand at the edge of the water. It was 80+ degrees out, warmer than they’d predicted, and my hair stuck to the back of my neck until I fished a hair tie out of my bag and pulled it into a ponytail. It’s still August, which signals summer to my brain, but also it’s September tomorrow, which screams nothing but fall. Time to transition. Again.

The kids start school next week and I feel all the normal excitement that goes along with a fresh school year—what always feels like more of a new year than January ever does. And also there’s the anxiety that’s become the norm around masking and local case counts and how long before one of my kids is in quarantine?

I’ve been in a flurry of ordering things because it seems like I’ve either been running out or needing all the things all at once. Clothes for kids who have outgrown everything from pants to socks to shoes. Refill tablets of hand soap and house cleaner. Boy brow and yes that is an affiliate link in case you’d like to help feed my addiction to the product that I would bring with me even to a deserted island. Three whole sets of school supplies. A fresh box of contacts. Laundry detergent. Parchment paper and tin foil and plastic wrap. A fresh bottle of elderberry gummies because besides masking, it’s the thing that feels like I’m doing something to help my kids stay healthy. Name labels for the aforementioned school supplies which have somehow been held up in customs for weeks and I am crossing my fingers they arrive before the first day of school. Tea and a new sweater because despite that 80-degree temperature, fall is coming, dammit, and I intend to be prepared.

Everything around me feels in or about in transition. Though thinking back to a year ago, things were largely the same. The start of school was pushed back a week but I was still buying up masks and elderberry and school supplies and Costco orders made up entirely of snacks. (Mental note: place Costco order.) We didn’t know exactly what the school year would bring and we largely still don’t have the answer to that question this year.

I don’t know what else to do except to continue keeping under control what I can, even if it’s just stocking the snack shelf in the pantry and baking first day of school treats and emailing the teachers to see who in their class needs school supplies. Remembering that this, too, is important work, even if it doesn’t always (ever?) feel like quite enough.

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Action Item

I’m not sure how you can feel anything but sick to your stomach after the way things unfolded in Afghanistan this month. TIME magazine has an excellent round-up of ways to support refugees and people still in Afghanistan: from organizations taking donations to contacting your representatives.

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Around the Internet

• Tom Daly knitting is one of my favorite things this summer and R. Eric Thomas is one of my favorite things on the internet, so put them together and it brings me an enormous amount of joy.

• “But I think the real problem is that life is still exhausting because the pandemic was and remains exhausting in so many invisible ways — and we still haven’t given ourselves space to even begin to recover. Instead, we’re just softly boiling over, emptying and evaporating whatever stores of energy and patience and grace remain.”

• We Could Have Changed the World (really the title says it all)

• For those of us who have or are about to send our kids back to school.

• “This is parenting these days, for us and too many people we know. Peak inconsistency. Complete incoherence. Just decision after decision based on a little bit of science, a little bit of outdated guidance, and a little bit of how much time or energy we have to think it through.”

• Did I go down the rabbit hole of ‘Bama Rush in an attempt to understand why all of America was suddenly invested? Yes I did. And then this deep-dive on Greek fashion.

• This feels like it sums up 2021.

• So does this.

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Eating

• Have I told you to make falafel before? Because you should definitely make falafel. And then serve it with pita bread and roasted veggie (team bell peppers over here) and kalamata olives and a healthy scoop of caramelized onion hummus.

• This mushroom pasta stir-fry is delicious. Unfortunately, I can almost never seem to find broccolini around here so I subbed regular broccoli and it was fine (but if you can get your hands on it actual broccolini would be better!).

• I will now evangelize you to the ways of dark chocolate hummus. I will continue to pretend it is the healthiest of healthy snacks because the first ingredient is chickpeas and continue to ignore that the second ingredient is sugar. Mostly because I don’t care. It’s delicious.

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Fun Things

• Currently wearing a late summer/early fall pink and gray ombre mani of my own creation using AW, RP, MG, Wild & Free, and BI from Olive and June and the Gen Z barista told me she loved my nails this morning so #winning.

• This button-up shirt was an impulse buy earlier this summer which will go down as one of my favorite purchases of 2021.

• This tee. The color is more of a gray-washed lavender in person. Love the fit, love the rolled sleeves, love that I foresee wearing it under lots of cardigans come cooler temperatures.

Life Lately

As I type this, the kids are downstairs watching the Olympics. (Raise your hand if screen time rules in your house have also been 1000% relaxed during these two weeks.) I’ve heard cries of “Guys lookit!”, “We won!”, and chants of “USA! USA! USA!”

And as I was typing that Caden flew a paper airplane over to me at my desk which, when unfolded, reads, “we got 1st place in m200 back heat 3!”

Suffice to say we’re a bit Olympic-obsessed.

Tyson and I have had various conversations about various things lately which end with me exclaiming, “But I don’t mean this or that. It’s not one or the other or black and white. It’s in the middle—it’s shades of gray!” (Yay for evolving as an Enneagram One.)

The Olympics this year feel like one big shade of gray. I’m cheering on every single athlete—Can we give them all medals please?—and also rooting for Team USA with all my heart. The empty stands leave me feeling both heartbroken fans can’t be there and grateful that this step, at least, was taken to ensure everyone’s safety. I’m annoyed that Russia gets to compete in all but name despite its doping scandal and outraged that Sha'Carri Richardson was suspended for marijuana, of all things. I’m (obviously) so hyped that the Olympics have gone on and also concerned about the ethics: I understand why every single protester is there in those Tokyo streets. (About the only non-gray part is finding myself a Simone Bile’s stan.)

July itself is filled with shades of gray. Because time still has no meaning, the Fourth seems like it was months ago. I was packing, unpacking, or on two July trips during part of the month and at home for some endless afternoons the other part. We’ve experienced brilliant, blue-sky days and yet as I type this, an eerie haze the sun can’t quite break through has settled over much of my state from wildfires hundreds of miles away. I began the month feeling pretty good about the pandemic, about returning to a sense of normalcy, about school for the fall, and am ending it feeling uncertain about it all, feeling very much like I did exactly a year ago. 

As always, life isn’t all one or all the other of anything. It’s everything all at once, swirled into one big bucket of gray.

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Action Item

I may be in enough of a bubble that this won’t much affect whoever is reading this, but just in case: please, please, please get vaccinated if you haven’t done so already. Encourage—with love and information, not shame and embarrassment—those around you to get vaccinated. We have an entire population in our country, kids under the age of 12, who are unable to get the vaccine even if they want to. School, extracurricular activities, and a general life of normalcy without masks, of parents being able to say “yes” to normal kid things like going to the mall, or museums, or the fair, all hang in the balance. Use this link to find a vaccine near you.

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Around the Internet

• Basically a friendship liturgy.

• “People scoffed about moms ruining Instagram, but I thought they were revolutionary. They’d formed a market for their unpaid labor in the home. Or at least their representation of unpaid labor. These women weren’t being paid to be caretakers or community builders. They were being paid for their online depiction of that labor.”

• Kate Baer forever.

• “Rather than sticking to the script we assigned ourselves (or our structures and society assigned us), maybe we can imagine who we are, what matters to us, and what we need without focusing on “growing into” the next big thing.”

• Simone Biles is the GOAT, always.

• “The victory here is not that my children turn down processed foods. The victory is that they don’t feel out of control around these foods. They don’t feel compelled to eat them just because they’re there—which is what everyone assumes will happen when you have a mountain of processed foods on hand.”

• Find you some friends who will cheer you on like this.

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Eating

• File this one under drinking, not eating, but Real Simple told me to mix equal parts red wine with sparkling lemonade and serve it over ice and I can confirm that this has been one of my best life choices to date.

• I make this pesto cream sauce and serve it over pasta with a bunch of stir-fried bell peppers and it’s one of my favorite summer-y meals.

• These Crunchwrap Supremes were dinner on Tuesday. When I asked Tyson what he thought he said, “You’ve outdone yourself.” Definitely adding these to the rotation and wondering how soon is too soon to make them again.

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Fun Things

• I bought these earrings and they make me very happy. That is all.

• This is my favorite everyday tee. I own at least two and just ordered two more. I find it’s true-to-size for a more fitted tee; size up for a looser fit.

• This nail repair kit is a lifesaver. I’ve had a few nails that have been thin or prone to chipping over the past year and a few weeks of this leaves them strong and healthy again. It’s also easy to remove—I soak a bit of Kleenex in acetone, wrap it around my nail with foil, wait 10 minutes, and it rubs off leaving my nail perfectly clean.

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These posts are always interesting for me to write, as I sit and reflect back on the month that’s passed. A month from now, we’ll be in the middle of State Fair time here in Minnesota, on the edge of the start of school, ready to send all my kids off to elementary school for the first time, and I have no idea where we, where I, will be on that black and white scale. Only that it will, inevitably, be tinted with gray.

The Kids Will Be Fine

A year ago, when the world shut down, I did what any reasonable Type-A person would do: immediately crafted a schedule to structure my days with a four-year-old and twin six-year-olds. Included were daily bike rides, schoolwork, free play, regular meal times, iPad time, and 15 minutes of silent reading time.

It was the last one my daughter protested.

“I don’t waaa-nnaaa read,” she would whine, draped like a spaghetti noodle over the couch. “I don’t even like reading.”

“That’s funny,” I would reply, “Because we read an entire Princess in Black book together last night before bed.”

To which she would try to suppress a smile before sighing and then continue on with her grumbling.

We’d get through the 15 minutes. Some days were better than others. It often felt like I worked for almost every one of those 15 minutes.

Let me be clear: it wasn’t that she couldn’t read. She adored being read to and was a strong Kindergarten+ level reader herself. She just…didn’t want to. Maybe she found it overwhelming. Maybe she wasn’t confident in her own abilities. Maybe it was that the world felt upside down. 

I did what I could to make silent reading appealing. I combined snacks with reading time. I encouraged her to just look at the pictures; she didn’t have to read all the words. I had small crates of books I’d curated specifically for each child’s interests and reading level. (Bless my early pandemic heart.) 

I’m a prolific reader myself. I see memes which say things like “I was the kid who sat up reading under the covers with a flashlight” and feel seen. Books are an enormous part of my life, and all this whining about reading unnerved me.

What if she falls behind? What if enforcing a mere 15 minutes of silent reading time a day turns her off reading forever? What if she never, ever likes reading?

I didn’t always think like this. But in my weaker moments, like during the it’s-day-four-of-this-whining-nonsense moments, my mind definitely went down that path.

It was several months into this schedule, late summer, when I realized she hadn’t whined about reading in…days? Weeks? I realized we’d fallen into a pattern with our silent reading where each kid grabbed a book and I did, too, with 15-20 (mostly) silent reading minutes each morning. I didn’t even know when the whining had stopped. I just knew that silent reading had been a battle I’d dreaded every day until one day, without even noticing…it wasn’t.

Read the rest over on Twin Cities Mom Collective.