Fingertips

There's a lot of stuff to be done.  For anyone, these days.  Jobs to work, houses to clean, grass to mow, places to go, meetings to attend.  The car needs to get checked, the mower broke down, somebody is sick, and there are appointments on top of appointments.  Plus we have all these tweets to write, comments to make, photos to post, emails to both reply to and send.  At least those are all at the touch of a fingertip.

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Of course, this pressure, this stuff, is only amplified for moms.  There's more to do, and we feel like we have to worry if all that we are doing is enough.  Are your kids doing enough activities?  Are you feeding them well enough (whatever that means for you...are you eating organic, vegetarian, gluten-free, or just generally avoiding fast food enough?)?  Are the kids developing the way they're supposed to enough?  Are you breastfeeding enough?  Playing with them enough?  Letting them independent play enough?  It's too easy to think about all of these things.  Because now, also at the touch of our fingertips...photos and videos (and the accompanying OPINIONS) of kids doing things that your kids aren't even THINKING of doing yet, whether it's rolling over or speaking Mandarin.  



Don't worry, mine are just concerned with finding crumbs enough to eat off the floor.

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And there's just a lot to do generally, day-to-day and week-to-week.  Meal planning to meal prep, now they want a snack, the toys need to be picked up again, wipe down the high chair, clean out the potty chair, change another diaper, wash the seventh load of laundry.  Just keeping a household at its basic level of functioning requires quite a bit of finesse.


And coffee.  Finesse and coffee.

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But then I hear my sweet grandma, mother to SIX, casually talk about waxing her floors ("because Friday's were my floor-waxing days, y'know"), or ironing everyone's sheets, and I look around my own house scattered with crumbs and toys and think BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...NOPE.  Do we really have more to do these days?  I don't know.  Ain't no floor-waxing going on around here.  Much less every week.  And true confession: I do not own an iron.  Never have.  Not in this house.  Nor do I want one.  Praise the Lord Tyson doesn't need to wear a dress shirt to work every day.  Or any day really.  Hell, I'm lucky in the summer if he even bothers to put a shirt ON.

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And then I wonder...did everyone do this?  Was this like an expectation?  Sheets and underwear ironed, floors waxed, bread baked, and everything?  Like, all the time?  Heaven help us.  Would some 60s version of a housewife walk on in here and silently critique me for my lack of wax on the floors and countertops smeared from sticky fingertips?

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Thank goodness we don't have those expectations for each other.  Not even for ourselves, now.  I'll stay here, with my crumbs and un-waxed floors, my smears and my wrinkled sheets that sat in the drier for two or three days.  I'll relish in the fact that, actually, I don't have all that much to do today.    After all, that 60s housewife?  She'd probably be pretty jealous of me.  I just ordered groceries through a few taps and a swipe of my fingertip.  #technology #allthepraisehands



Good thing I didn't iron those sheets.


Read, Watched, Listened

I love reading just about everything, watching comedy and documentary-type things, and have recently embraced the podcast.  I also enjoy hearing about what other people are reading, watching, and listening to.  Here's my two cents worth.

(I also ate way too many of these cookies.  Use good dark chocolate.  You will not want to share.   Yes, I ate at least those four in one sitting.  You've been warned.)

Read

This is the first novel I've read from Elizabeth Gilbert (I loved both Eat, Pray, Love and Committed ), and I ADORED IT.  It's been awhile since I've really gotten into a novel but I couldn't wait to read it each day. It's also long - it took me the full 21 days on loan from the library (albeit with three small children around) to finish.  It took me a chapter or two to get over the fact that it was written by Elizabeth Gilbert, since it is very different in style from her memoirs (which, duh, that's to be expected).  The way it's written reminds me very much of a novel from the 1800's (which is when it is set), and to me that's a very good thing.  I loved the main character, I loved the relationships and dialogue between the characters, and I even learned a little about botany of all things.  

State of Wonder
Meh.  I know people get all googly-eyed over Ann Patchett's books, but I'm not one of them. This is the second or third book of hers that I've read and I just couldn't get very into it. There were enough twists and turns that I kept going, but I didn't particularly care for any of the characters (until the very, very end) and particularly didn't see the point of the main character's romantic relationship.  I also couldn't help but compare it to The Signature of All Things, since their plots were so similar (though this one is set today).  But otherwise each had a strong female main character, who is a researcher, they take a trip somewhere exotic, there is a lost man, a mysterious death...it's probably not fair to compare, but by pure coincidence I read both Gilbert's and Patchett's book back-to-back and strongly preferred the former.

Love Warrior
If you're not familiar with Glennon Melton and her work over at Momastery, you need to be.  She is such a powerful writer and (in her words) "truth-teller".  This book was emotional and hard to read at times.  It's raw.  It's angry.  It's honest.  It tackles pornography and adultery and the church without apology.  And when it's good, it is so, SO good.  There is a redemption story here, but make no mistake, the redemption is not for any marriage or man, but for her own damn self.  

Watched

South Park
I know.  I know.  Tyson and I adore South Park.  It's stupid.  I used to think it was stupid. And, to be fair, when they started out 20 years ago, it was stupid.  All potty humor and curse words.  It's STILL full of potty humor and curse words, but it also has a message about our culture and society.  It's hilarious, on-point, and one of the best satirical portraits of the time and place we live today.  They write each episode the week it is released, so it is ON TOP of this crazy election year.  (Note: it would be pretty helpful to watch LAST season before starting this one.  Otherwise you'll be totally confused.)

Crash Course Literature
We've already been through Crash Course World History, and now we're working our way through Crash Course Literature.  It's like my high school English classes boiled down into 10-ish minute highly entertaining videos.  And I loved high school English class.  John Green (of The Fault in Our Stars fame) is so well-spoken and makes such great points about not only the works he discusses, but the purpose of literature in general.  It kind of makes me want to start writing thesis papers on all the books I read again...

Listened

Gastropod
Tagline: "looks at food through the lens of science and history".  SO INTERESTING.  I love listening to these episodes while cooking dinner.  The two women who co-host give a general overview about a food or related topic and also delve in deeper to the science and history behind that week's topic by interviewing historians, authors, and scientists.  I love books about food history, and this is food history in 45-minute podcast form.  Check out The Salt Wars, which I particularly enjoyed because I've also read the book.

One Bad Mother
I adore this podcast.  It's fantastic.  Biz and Theresa are SO relatable and hilarious (just wait until you hear Biz's laugh!) and help you realize that everything you're doing as a parent is just fine and normal.  Each week they tackle a topic together (everything from the existence of sand to parenting karma) and then interview a parent (usually an author, researcher, psychologist or some such person) on another issue.  They also share their parenting Genius and Fail moments each week, as well as a mom who calls in with a Meltdown.  The general takeaway is this: I AM NOT ALONE.  I love listening to their Genius and Fails and how REAL they keep this whole thing.  One of my absolute favorite episodes is Tired of Being President, so much so that I had Tyson listen to it as well and we've started to divide up our household presidential duties accordingly.  I'm so relieved to NOT be the president of prepping my morning coffee anymore.  As Biz and Theresa would say, I'm getting good at this.


Six

Six years.


At six years, the details of that day are getting a little bit fuzzy.  At one year, at two, at three...I could tell you exactly what I was doing at practically every minute of our wedding day.  What time I woke up to decorate for the reception, when I was getting my hair done, what time I arrived at the church, walked down the aisle, etc.


Some of that has faded now.  I remember that it was beautiful.  The weather was perfect.  The food was delicious, though I could barely relax enough to eat any.  I was in love with our flowers, the suits, the dresses, and, most of all, you.


Six years in, and we're settling into what our life is.  No more wandering the unknown of grad school (or, really, the unknown of post-grad school).  We're here.  Three kids, a mortgage, the minivan. 

We didn't know what we were getting ourselves into.

And yet, six years for us looks settled.  And despite a chaotic past year (a move!  a  new baby!  twin toddlers!  a job out-of-state!), it's starting to feel a lot quieter, calmer.  More settled.  We're ready for that.


Here's to the past six.  And six more.  Or sixty.  Even better.

(Years, that is.  Not kids.  Yikes.)


The Trenches

This three-under-three thing. It sounds cute. It certainly makes for a catchy hashtag. But the WORK. So much work. Somehow it wasn't so bad at first. I thought the first few weeks/months would be the hardest...a newborn! Twin toddlers! Constant nursing! Night wakings! Juggling it all! Somehow we escaped what I had drummed up in my head to be "the worst". Sure we had some help from family at first, but even after that, it just wasn't so bad. Nolan was a really good sleeper, the twins didn't have any issues with having a baby in the house, we relaxed and adjusted...I don't want to call it easy, but it certainly wasn't bad.  

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Somehow over the summer it became much more difficult. Maybe when Nolan became more scheduled and needed naps to happen at home, and only at home? When activities basically ceased for the summer so our predictable routines to get out of the house kind of vanished? When the twins' naps became suddenly shorter? I'm not sure. Probably a combination of it all + the reality of having two 2-year olds and a baby around. Whatever happened, I can hardly find a chance to write now, to read, to get done the things that need to get done, much less the things I want to get done. Keeping up with birthdays, holidays, the playdates we have each week seem virtually impossible lately. Things keep sneaking up on me. This isn't me. I'm organized, I swear! I schedule everything there is to be scheduled and probably more! I still use a paper planner, dammit! How does this happen?

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I thought I'd been here before. But certainly this is what they call "The Trenches".

It looks so nice, doesn't it? DON'T BE FOOLED BY THE PRETTY PICTURE.

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It's exhausting. So much right now is just getting from sun up (or *ahem* before the sun is up, thank you very much) to sun down. A daily endless loop of food-coffee-dishes-playtime-snacks-nursing-naps-cleaning-picking up toys-washing clothes-folding clothes-picking up toys *again*-teaching-disciplining-changing diapers-bathtime-go to sleep-go to sleep-go to sleep. It is such a marathon. Especially since the twins have decided their naps should be no longer than 1.5 hours (gahhhh!). The days are loooong. I usually get to the end of the day and have zero energy for much of anything. I've had approximately zero time to write or read or catch up on photos lately, things I enjoy doing, because I'm either A: pressed for time B: mentally and physically exhausted or C: both. (C. The answer is always C.) It's been enough to just get through each day lately without adding anything else to the end of it.

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That's not to say the days are hard, exactly. I mean, they certainly aren't easy. But I don't have any extra worries or concerns or issues. The kids are all developing fine, none of them have been sick, we hang out with friends and get out of the house, we're pretty much settled into our "new" home. We have enough money to keep a roof over our heads and buy food that I'm usually able to find time to cook. They're generally happy, good, agreeable, lovely little children. Frankly, it's exhausting enough to get through the day (2-year old DRAMAZ x two!) without any additional problems.

In fact, 90% of the time it's actually pretty okay. The kids are playing well, they're listening or eating what they're supposed to, the house isn't any more of a mess than is to be expected. It's the OTHER 10% of the time - when the you-know-what hits the fan - that is stressful. Everyone decides to cry at once or a 2-year old decides to see what happens when they hit one of their siblings (causing more crying) or we're all ready to leave the house but someone needs a sudden diaper change while another wants "NO DAAAAA-DDDDYYYYY" (who is working, of course) to put their shoes on.

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And this so close in age thing is weird. While it seems like virtually everyone else with multiple kids (and especially 3+ kids) has at least one that's headed back to school, we're, uh, still just here. All of us. Hi! Here we all are! Same old routine. No one is even headed off to preschool for a few blessed hours a week. While there are a few activities we're gearing up for again, there is no drop-off and pick-up involved. No break or even much change of pace, no chance of having less than three children around for a routine span of a few hours.

I mean, there IS their parent-child class. But it's generally frowned upon to ditch your child(ren) at the parent-child class while you go get coffee and a pedicure. Bummer.

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The so close in age thing also means it's difficult for Tyson and I to get away. You can't just hire your average teenage babysitter and leave for the night. The only people we can really trust with bedtime are grandparents. Twins + a baby + bedtime basically requires the management efforts of two people. Even with a couple of capable teenagers, Tyson and I would basically have to go sit outside on the front steps for our date, since after paying for two babysitters we would have used up any and all money we could have used to go out to dinner or do anything for the night.

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I told Tyson that this is probably (I mean, we'll see, but let me have this here) the most difficult time in our married/parenting lives. Sure if we have another kid that's, y'know, another kid, but Caden and Brooklyn will at least be in some sort of school by that time. Twin 2-year olds and a baby are just all so needy right now. No one can get dressed by themselves, Brooklyn and Nolan still need diaper changes, no one can get food on their own (well, okay, Caden can open the pantry door and both he and Brooklyn know how to pull up a chair to get at the good stuff, so it's not like they'd exactly starve...), they're still too young to play outside by themselves...  

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There are glimpses, though.  Caden, my miracle potty-trainer, goes to the bathroom like a champ (besides needing help pulling those pesky pants back up). Some of the older kids in the neighborhood love to play with the twins, and I sometimes get a break once the big kids are home from school for the day, while the twins run around outside with their "friends" while I nurse Nolan in peace and get dinner started. All three have an independent streak, and don't mind being dropped off at church or playing with their teachers at school. Heck, even when I'm around at their parent-child class, Caden and Brooklyn could usually care less that I'm anywhere near them. They're getting better at playing independently even while at home.

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And, so this isn't one entire, long rant of a post, it can also be really fun. Two-year olds, two-and-a-half-year olds, are a lot of fun. They talk a lot (like, a LOT, a lot) (okay, it can get kind of annoying), and constantly crack me up with their conversations. They love their baby brother, who is in danger of being smushed, smashed, and/or suffocated from so many hugs. Caden and Brooklyn can do so many more things now, like ride bikes, play with toys that are actually interesting, and interact with other kids in a way that they just couldn't before. And Nolan continues to be the world's easiest, happiest baby.  

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We have five more months of this three-under-three business.  The only way out is through.  Then we'll have three-under-four!  Though that hashtag isn't quite as catchy.